1. Preparation can be as easy as you want
I am not really a big fan of cooking. I mean, I do it, but I’m not very good at it – I don’t know how to use spices, I have no natural sense of how long things should be in the oven or anything like that, and the end result is that I end up eating cereal for dinner several nights a week. Meal preparation is just hard – you need all kinds of ingredients, you have to use multiple devices, you have to do ACTUAL GROCERY SHOPPING AHEAD OF TIME…it’s a lot. But hot dogs offer a simpler solution.
Hot dogs are so damn easy to prepare, it’s nuts – you can just throw it in the microwave for a minute, pop it in a bun, and you’re good to go. We’re talking – all in – like 5 minutes, tops (unless you have to defrost). And it tastes great!
But that’s the thing – it tastes great even when you put in the absolute bare minimum effort. But you can ALSO spend a little more time on things and grill them if you want them to taste SPECTACULAR. But let’s be honest, you’re a lazy person, you forgot to eat dinner, it’s 8:45pm, you don’t want to spend money ordering in, and you know microwaving a hot dog is the only reasonable option left.
2. The perfect base-food
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Hot dogs on their own taste great and are plenty filling – but what’s great about them is that they’re the perfect BASE-food to be transformed in any way you see fit. I should probably explain what I mean by “base-food” though – and I’ll use the only metaphor that makes any sense to me, Pokemon.
Hot dogs are Eevees, basically. Eevee’s a fine Pokemon on its own, but the true value is in EVOLVING it into a more specific, more useful type. You can turn Eevee into a Fire-type, an Electric-type, a Leaf-type, a Dark-type, etc. It all depends on your tastes, what your team needs, and just whatever you think would be cool. And the same goes for hot dogs!
Throw some relish and onion on, or maybe ketchup? Go for it. Throw on some brown mustard and jalapenos? Sure. Put some chili on it? Yes, EVEN CHILI. Cheese? YOU KNOW IT. Sriracha? WHY NOT? Basically, hot dogs are built in such a way that you can put whatever the hell you want on it in order to alter its flavor and level of fillingness. Hot dogs are fine, but they are MEANT to be evolved to fit your specific desires – and very few foods can pull off that kind of flexibility.
3. Easy to hold, easy to eat, requires no cleanup
Hot dogs are the ultimate food of CONVENIENCE – and in our busy, messy lives, sometimes we need a meal that makes things easy on us. We’ve already discussed how easy hot dogs are to prepare, but its level of ease goes well beyond that. Hot dogs are the perfect food to eat on the go – it’s not too wide (like hamburgers), the bun isn’t placed in such a way where things can fall out easily (like hamburgers), and you can very easily eat it with one hand no matter what (STILL LOOKIN AT YOU, HAMBURGERS).
Better yet, hot dogs do not require plating. That’s right – you don’t even need a paper plate to enjoy a hot dog. Hell, plates are kinda WEIRD with hot dogs, since they don’t really balance too well (if you’re placing the bun straight down, at least). You’re saving money on paper plates or doing the dishes (and there are obviously no utensils required), you can eat while walking around or heading out (or even driving, if we’re being honest), and there’s no mess leftover. It’s perfect.
4. The price is right
You know how cheap hot dogs are, right? Insanely cheap – most stores will sell you packs of 6 or 8 or whatever for like $4 or less. And the buns are dirt cheap too – usually closer to $2 for a pack of 8. Basically, you can feed around 8 people for like $6 (okay probably like 4 people, since everyone’s gonna have 2 hot dogs – also this doesn’t take into account ketchup or other condiments, but the end result is you’re PROBABLY able to feed a group of people for under $10). And that means you’re saving money to spend responsibly later on*.
* videogames and a stupid mug that says “Mommy Needs Her Coffee!” you bought while drunk on Amazon
5. The perfect garnish for making OTHER simple meals kick ass
You ever add little cut-up hot dog slices into a bowl of mac ‘n cheese? HEAVEN. Scrambled eggs? ALSO HEAVEN. Just cut-up hot dog slices on their own as a little snack? YOU’LL THINK YOU’RE THAT KID WHO DIED ON THE OPERATING TABLE AND WENT TO HEAVEN AND THEN GOT REVIVED AND WROTE SOME PREACHY RELIGIOUS BOOK ABOUT HEAVEN BEING REAL.