May and senior Tories implicated in Irish passport exposé

Red faces are predicted at Conservative Party Central Office when a sensational Panorama exposé, due to be broadcast later this week, will claim the Prime Minister, several senior cabinet ministers and as many as five other high-profile Tory MPs have already applied for and received Irish passports.

The information was leaked to the iconic hard-hitting investigative show by a source at The Irish passport Office in London who did not want to be identified.
With her voice altered so she sounded like Darth Vader, concealed behind a screen and only visible in silhouette, senior processing clerk Sinead O’Malley said, ‘I couldn’t believe it when they all trotted in behind Mrs May for the express one-day service.’

Members of the 1922 Committee are said to be fuming and it’s understood heads will roll once the programme airs in what’s being seen as a gross betrayal of Brexit negotiations.

In one leaked extract form the show posted online, and acting on a tipoff that Boris Johnson is one of the MPs, the Panorama team attempts to doorstep him at his constituency office.

However it appears in the footage Mr Johnson is not on the premises but instead a portly blond shock-headed man, wearing a ginger beard and a green velvet Guinness floppy top-hat identifying himself as Dr. Bóris O’Shaughnessy comments.

‘I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I… um-um-um-um… Ah shure, ha-ha-ha! A Faith, begorrah and begob, Oi’d say dis passport yarn is a roight load of oul rubbish and no mishtake, me fine buckos. Lookit lads, Oi’ve never heard o’ dis fella Johnson at all at all. Ye have the wrong man altogether.’

(via New Biscuit)

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